My Protector

A makeshift hut base-circled an old tree
Young-boy built with rough barn wood ties.
A dark board hole in a four-year-old to see.
Sand and dirt was blown into my eyes
By My Protector.

Always my hero as I look up to see
His strong face of confident bravery.
With the hope to like him someday be
I rejoiced with pride in my knavery
To My Protector.

As perversions were done and exhibited
To my unformulated and immature senses.
Which fear, worship, my idolatry prohibited
Any reason to suspect anything offensive
From My Protector.

Teaming up in my battles with my foes
Joining with them who hurt me the most
Helping them execute a volley of blows
Above it all is heard my prideful boast
Of My Protector.

Plotting with our cousins to ostracize
The quiet kid who doesn't belong,
While in my mind his action justifies
Never attributing anything as wrong
To My Protector

Believing the words of the older one
I assumed the correct estimations
Of my inferiority, the butt of their fun
Never questioning the calculations
Of My Protector

Whoever said wounds are healed by time
Has never had them refreshed yearly.
By a childhood of unspeakable crime
Planted in a young mind and fed severely
By My Protector

Growing in the shadow of one so honored
The apple and pride of his father's eye
From his shadow of sorrow I never wandered
Pleasing them both was the impossible lie
With My Protector

By growing up as our lives had to split
I never realized the source of my pain
I grew joyful comfort in being able to quit
Jobs, relationships, projects, trying in vain
To forget My Protector

Unable to love, to care, living in solitude
Needing something strong to dull my mind
Escaping the pain of thoughts pursued
Chasing synthetic shelters to hide
From My Protector

Even as adults his torment remained
Physical pain turns to mental anguish
Attacks, more subtle, still unrestrained
The agenda to dominate, total vanquish
By My Protector

Failing in drive's ambition to finish a plan
Life's failures became so easy to obtain
Each job, each endeavor, becoming a man,
You name it, I was filled with self disdain
From My Protector

Slowly through the sorrowful agonized time
With one whose love I did not deserve
The source, the seed, the rhythm and rhyme
Forced me to confront that which unnerved
My Protector

He's gone and out of my life, I deceive
Myself to believe as evil is lurking
In days of comfort which become naive.
I'm startled alive by the plan still working
For My Protector.

Until a new morning through a clear image
The source of my torment clearly exposed
By someone who could see all the damage
From a childhood any observer would oppose
With My Protector
 
My love shields me from the shadows of pain
She seeks out to destroy every piece or crumb
Of the memory of a life of inferior restrain.
Finally, in peace she has in truth become
My Protector